Punishment?
by Puffgirl117
Summary: After pulling off the greatest prank ever, the Marauders, okay, Moony and Padfoot, get caught... Again But this time they get the punishment to end all punishments. Bathroom duty for 4 hours every Saturday for the next 3 months, together... alone... wait.
1. Chapter 1

Hey peeps! Wass' up! Thank you for even considering reading my story! Except for Bee and possibly 'Stina, because they're my friends and they don't have a choice. Pease review, but if you don't want to,I don't give a crap because there are days when I'm too lazy to review stories. Have a good time reading!

Disclaimer: no, unfirtunately, I don't own HP or the Marauders. Damn...

ON WITHT TEH FIC!

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"No, no! I'm telling you this'll work! Just sprinkle some of that into the bowls before they send everything out and it will all work out! Seriously!"

James Potter's voice came in a hushed whisper as he explained his latest scheme to his best friend Sirius Black.

"I don't know, Prongs. It may not work out as well as you think. Remember the monkey? Yeah, not pretty."

"Now, see, I got my shots. Everything worked out in the end!"

"Yeah, but you bloody well scarred Wormtail for life."

"No, no, no, Wormtail's fine. That twitch will disappear by next year, promise."

"All right, whatever. So, are you sure about this?"

"Totally, we'll tell everyone else in the morning. Night Pads."

"Right then. 'Night Prongs.

"So basically, you're proposing that we try to get as many points taken from our house as possible?"

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had been walking through the common room when James and Sirius came rushing down from the dorms. They slammed the two onto the nearest couch, and told them a plan for their next prank. The boys were currently sitting, totally bewildered, across from Padfoot and Prongs

"Nooo... not exactly. C'mon Moony! Don't be such a party pooper!" James said.

"I'm not being a party pooper," Remus exclaimed. "I just don't want this to end up like the last one..."

"With the monkey?" Peter interrupted nervously, "Yeah. I still twitch whenever I see a lamp shade..."

"You'll be fine...after some therapy, anyway...," James said quickly, "it shouldn't be that hard to pull it off. Are you guys in?"

"Of course they're in!" Sirius quipped, reaching over and wrapping his arm around Remus. "It wouldn't be a true Marauder prank if they weren't in!"

"I don't know. I do not want to be the laughing stock of the school again," Peter said slowly.

"Hello! Earth to Wormtail! That's the whole bloomin' point!" James said, waving a hand in his face, "Besides, they'll never catch us!"

"That's what you said last time," Peter said quietly.

"And the time before that...," continued Remus.

"And the time before that," Sirius said, "Ya' know, James I'm starting to think Remus and Peter are right. I don't know about this one. It just doesn't seem to have the same sort of... potential as the last few."

Sirius finished the sentence with as much caution and care as possible, as not to bruise James' delicate ego. James' jaw dropped and his eyes grew wide.

"No way! You cannot back out on this now! Not when we're so excited!"

"No James," Remus pointed out, "you're the one who's the most excited about it."

"Oh come oonnn," James whined. "Please!" James whimpered innocently. He opened his eyes wider and pouted his bottom lip.

"There is no way that's going to work on us, Prongs. It may work on Lily, but it doesn't work on us. Remus was the one who taught you that anyway!"

"C'mon guys. This'll rock! Please!" James pounded his fist on the table.

"Augh...you know what? Fine, why not," Sirius said desperately, "As long as you stop whining."

"Brilliant! Okay, what about you two?"

"Well... " Peter began, "why not...," he said, waving a hand toward Sirius.

"Et tu, Remus?"

"Don't use that on me Sirius," Remus said looking down at the book he was holding. "It's starting to get old. Plus, it's not like one little sentence is going to'….," Remus paused as he looked up at Sirius. He had imitated the look James used earlier, though this had a different effect on Remus. A tingle shot up and down Remus' spine. "I…um…but…oh... sure," he said finally. "Why not?"

"Awesome! We strike at dawn tomorrow... Actually dinner... in about a week... I'll keep you updated, 'kay?"

"Whatever you say James. Now get shut up before you reveal too much. Lily won't approve of this you know..."

"Speak of the Devil," Sirius said loudly. Lily had just walked through the portrait door and, spotting the boys in the corner, started walking toward them.

"Oh, ha ha ha," she said sarcastically. She reached down and smacked Sirius in the back of the head.

"Ouch! What the bloody hell did I do to deserve that!"

"What do you think, you stupid prat?"

Exasperated, she dropped herself on top of James, wrapping her arms around him.

"You know dear, you really should get rid of those friends. There're just holding you back."

"You know what? That sounds like a good idea."

"Hey!" Peter and Sirius shouted in unison. Remus just sat there, smiling at all of them quietly. Suddenly, Lily grabbed James and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"Ewww," Sirius moaned.

"Seriously, could you do that somewhere else?" Peter agreed.

The couple broke their kiss and Lily looked over at Peter with one her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, come on now. You're all just jealous. Lets go some were more 'private'." She grabbed James by the wrist and dragged him off to another corner. James looked over his shoulder and raised both his eyebrows. Sirius rolled his eyes and Peter pretended to gag himself while Remus smiled and waved after them.

"Honestly, why do they have to go around snogging everywhere," Sirius glanced over his shoulder, where, sure enough, James and Lily where making out. Remus smirked and looked at Sirius.

"I think Lily was right, you're just jealous."

"Me? Jealous? Hardly. In case you didn't notice, I could get any girl I want, whenever I want. I am a Hogwarts God."

Sirius turned around and saw a group of 5th years staring at him. He smiled and winked at them and they dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"See what I mean?" he said laughing. "It works on anyone! Watch."

He smiled handsomely at Remus, who blushed slightly. Remus gave a small squeak and slapped his hand over his mouth. Peter blinked in awe and Sirius threw his head back, roaring with laughter.

"Told ya'," he said smiling broadly. "No one in school can do that other than me. It's my gift and my curse."

"Curse?" Peter repeated. "I would hardly call it a curse."

"Yeah, me neither, really, but it sounds so angst-ee. The girls love it, drives 'em nuts."

"That as so not fair," Peter whined.

"C'est la vie," Remus said.

"Too true, my friend, too true," Sirius commented.

"What does that mean…?" Peter asked quietly.

"Well, good luck with that Wormtail. By the way, how's that Care of Magical Creatures homework going?"

Peter's eyes grew wide and his mouth flew open.

"Wha-wha-what homework!" he asked hysterically.

'The Care of Magical Creatures homework that's due in 3 days…the homework that we've supposed to be working on for about 2 week…?" Sirius asked slowly.

"Oh damn!" Peter ran quickly up the stairs to the dorm, while Sirius and Remus sat in the common room, laughing.

"Speaking of, have you finished that homework yet?" Remus asked. He turned on the couch and looked at Sirius with his eyebrows raised.

"Ha! No! There's no Care of Magical Creatures homework. Or at least I don't think so…"

"Well, you might want to check on that. I'm going to go to bed, so I guess I'll see you later…" Remus stood up and stretched his arms over his head as far as he could. His shirt crept up a little revealing a thin line of tan skin. Sirius couldn't help but glance at Remus' abdomen. He shivered slightly, but regained his composure before Remus finished stretching.

"Good night, Pads."

As Remus walked up to the dorm, Sirius gave a short sigh and muttered something under his breath inaudibly.

"Night, Moony. And sweet dreams."

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All right! That's all for now, but I'll try to update as soon as possible! Peace out! And a happy non-denomenational non-offensive politically-correct generic winter holiday to you!

Puffgirl


	2. Singing Birds and Sinking Stairs

'Sup everyone! How's it going? Good, good. I'm good other than the fact that I have this song stuck in my head from 'Invader Zim'. It's uber funny. It goes; "Bow down, bow down before the power of Santa, or be crushed, be crushed, by his jolly boots of doom!" I have to tell 'Stina-chan that b/c she loves G.I.R and I.Z.

'Kay, so anyway, the first part of this chapter isn't going to be very 'comedic', 'cause I wasn't very happy when I started writing it. I was pissed and tired. First off, here are some thank you's to my first few reviewers;

Iccypenguin: glomp Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all the compliments and being my first reviewer ( though my friend Bee is rather pissed that you beat her to my story). If you'd like to, send your story to me and I'd be happy to read and review it:D As for a few tips… just think about the story that you want to write as a movie in your head. Just sit back and let it play out and just type what you see. You'll be amazed at what you can write. Don't forget the popcorn! Once again, thanks a lot! Peace XD!

Beezlee: Sorry, Bee! Iccy beat ya' to it! Though, you have to remember, you were the first person to read my story offline, so technically, you're still my first reviewer! It all works out in the end. And I think you're right. I think I have found my medium. This is fun to write and to control how everything works out. It's like you and your SoR puppets. PS. You'll have to show me your live journal at the New Year "Shindig". ; P Peace!

Thethomaswhite: Thanks for the "unique-ness" stuff! It really means a lot. I did read and try to review your story, but when I was online, the site was doing some site updates, so I couldn't review your story. I'll just review it now. I really liked the whole plot, but personally, I thought it was sort of confusing. Like, I got the basic plot, but I got caught on some other details. It's probably because I'm a little slow at 2 am. It was still awesome, though! Keep up the great work! Thank you and peace: D

ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Beatles or their song that is mentioned in this chapter… once again, damn…

Singing Birds and Sinking Stairs: Chapter 2 of 'Punishment? 'By Puff

The next morning, Remus woke up to the sound of a small bird twittering outside his window and a ray of sun falling onto his face. He yawned and threw his feet over the side of the bed. He was about to grab a pair of clean robes when he realized, there was no need. It was Saturday. His favorite day of the week. Unless, of course, it fell on the day of the full moon, which this month, thankfully, it didn't. Remus ran a thin hand through his messy hair. He silently crawled back into bed, hoping to fall back to sleep. However, sleep didn't return. The little bird was still twittering and the sun was still shining brightly on the back of Remus' head. Sighing, he rolled over to face the tall window. A shadow was jumping and dancing on the window sill. Remus squinted his eyes to see what it was, but when his vision began to blur, he simply stood up and walked the 3 feet to the window.

The tawny haired boy unhooked the latch on the window, and swung it open. The bird that had been singing hopped around a bit, poking his head in and out of the room and then settled down on the opposite side of the glass pane. Remus closed the window until there was only a crack open. The bird cocked his head and stared at Remus intently, as if determining weather or not Remus was a threat.

"It's alright. I'm not going hurt you," he said softly, "I thought you all had flown south for the winter. It is December, you know. You decided to stay behind?" he asked it rhetorically. The black bird chirped in response.

_What am I doing? Oh, I know. I'm talking to a bird. I think I'm going mental! _Remus thought to himself.

"Oh, so you just got a late start. Well, then I think you may want to hurry up, if you want to catch up with everyone else," he said, smiling. He scooped up the tiny animal with one hand, and reopened the window with the other. He leaned out the window and held his hand out. The bird, smelling the open air, stood up in Remus' palm and took off, flying in the direction of another flock of late birds.

Remus set his hands on the window sill and leaned out a bit further. He closed his eyes and tilted his head upward slightly. A small breeze blew at him, lifting his hair off his face. He sat there smiling, and breathing in the scent of Saturday morning.

Suddenly, his abnormally sharp ears caught the sound of movement behind him. He whipped around to see Sirius leaning against his bed post in his pajamas with his arms crossed across his chest.

"Well, wasn't that adorable?" he said jokingly.

'Was that sarcastic?" Remus asked cautiously. He was upset because you could never tell when Sirius was being sarcastic or not… or at least he couldn't.

"Possibly," he shrugged. Sirius turned around to dig in his trunk for clothes. "What the hell are you doing up so early on a Saturday, anyway?" he asked. Clearly, Sirius wasn't a morning person.

"Nothing," Remus replied. "Plus, I'm always up early on Saturdays. I thought you'd know that, seeing as you've been my friend since first year."

"Has it really been that long?"

"Yes, it has. It's really been six years. Oh, wow… it really has been six years…," Remus repeated softly. "Anyway," he continued, "that little blackbird woke me up. It was outside the window singing, and I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Right, well, you woke me up because of your talking to the bird that woke you up."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, I mean, I tried to be quiet."

"That's alright Moony. You don't need to worry now because Prongs and Wormtail are both very heavy sleepers. I once made a flock of canaries fly around James' bed, chirping, for a whole hour, and he still didn't wake up."

Both the boys went back to digging through their trunks for something to wear. There was a long silence that was abruptly broken by Sirius humming. Remus stopped and listened to him for a minute.

"What's that?" he asked no one specifically.

"What's what?" Sirius asked back.

"That song you're humming. It sounds so familiar. Like, I know I've heard it somewhere before, but I can't put my finger on it…," he replied.

"Oh, well, have you ever heard of the Beatles?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. They're a band, right?"

"Yeah. Well, that's one of their songs. It's called 'Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night'. One of my favorites. And when you said that the bird woke you up by singing, I thought of that song," He explained matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Okay then." They both busied themselves with their morning routines once more, humming the song again. Remus suddenly thought of something (a/n: Remus put his hand up and wrote the letter "n" in the air. He slapped his hands to his face in revelation. Not really though. That's an inside joke with Bee. Sorry. Back to the fic!). He turned to Sirius and said,

"You know. That song would be perfect; however it's not the dead of night. It's morning, so it'd be more like," he paused and thought for a moment, "'Blackbirds Singing in the Morning Light' or something like that."

"Poetry within itself, my dear Moony. _Blackbirds singing the morning light, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise…,_" Sirius sang softly.

"Yes... Remus smiled, "that definitely sounds better."

(A/N: Yes it's amazing what a good song can do to inspire the imagination. It doesn't hurt that I had 'Blackbird…' playing in my iPod (my black iPod nano named Yama. Yes after Yamato/Matt/Yamatchi) for and hour on repeat.)

The Marauders (plus Lily) all met up later that morning in the Great Hall for breakfast. They were all rather quiet for the most part, with the exception of a few, "Pass the salt". Once even, Remus looked up and saw James stuffing his face, food flying everywhere, including onto his glasses.

"Um, James…? You've got some food on your face."

He looked up, grabbed a napkin and wiped his face roughly.

"Thanks, Mother," He said through a mouth-full of eggs and sausage."

Sirius laughed as Remus turned red.

"Don't blame him, Prongs. It's his 'maternal instinct'."

"Hey! That's not nice!" Remus yelled.

"I'm just kidding. Can't you take a bloomin' joke?" Sirius said, waving the comment away.

No, Sirius was not the only non-morning person within the group. Unfortunately, Remus was very much a morning person…

"So I was thinking that we should go to the library and get started on that essay that McGonagall assigned to…," he stopped short, due to the icy glares he was receiving from his comrades (minus Lily, who was reading intently next to James). "What?" he asked innocently.

"Moony, friend…," James began calmly, "It's bloomin' Saturday!" he yelled across the table. He pounded his fist on the table, causing some of the silverware to jump.

"Eh… what he means is that we're all still a little tired. It's still somewhat early," Sirius translated.

"Oh, well, excuse me if I don't want to fail."

"I can worry about failing when it's not so early," James muttered.

"Well, I think Remus has got a point," Lily said suddenly. She slammed her book closed. The sudden noise made everyone within 10 feet of them jump. "I'm going to go work on my homework in the common room. Have a nice morning!" she said cheerfully. She swung her legs over the bench and began walking out of the hall. She blew a kiss over her shoulder at James, who smiled and waved at her happily. The second she turned back around, his smile fell back into a frown.

"What the bloody hell is it with people being so damn cheery this morning?" James asked

"I think some people actually use night to sleep, Prongs," Peter said, pointing his spoon at him.

"Mhm. Contrary to what you think, humans are not, in fact, nocturnal," Remus said, laughing.

James stuck his tongue out at both of them. After a few more minutes of silent eating, Remus set his fork down next to his plate and began to stand up.

"Where ya' going?" Sirius asked, looking up.

"Oh, I'm just going to go up to the common room and hang out with Lily."

"Hey!" Sirius said, "Wait for me! I want to come, too. You want to come, James?"

"Nah, I'll catch up to you guys later. I've still got some breakfast to eat."

"Peter?"

"Nah. I'm too tired to move from the table."

"Yeah, go, have fun, do homework, be nerds. Just don't be hitting on my girl," James said pointedly at Sirius.

"Oh, 'your girl', is she? Well, I don't think 'your girl' is going to much appreciate that comment…," Sirius said, using finger quotes to emphasize the name 'your girl'.

"Eh, whatever."

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said. He reached up and put his hand on Sirius' right arm, to drag him out of the Great Hall. Sirius gave a visible shiver as soon as Remus touched him.

"What was that?" Remus asked.

"Oh, um, n-nothing,' Sirius stammered. "It's just a little cold in here."

"Oh, okay then," Remus replied slowly, removing his hand from Sirius' arm, "Let's go then."

"I'm coming."

The boys walked out into the hallway. After a few minutes of silent walking, and stair climbing, Remus glanced over at Sirius.

"So what was that shiver about?" he asked him.

"Huh? What shiver?" he replied.

"You know, back in the Great Hall. You shivered.

'_I touched his other arm…'_

when I touched your arm."

"Oh! I told you, I just got really cold all of a sudden. Nothing big."

"No. It was something else. I can tell."

Oh. How can you 'tell'? Are you psychic now?"

"Call it, my 'maternal instinct'," he said with a wink and smile.

"Oh, yeah? Um… well… I just…." Sirius thought desperately to come up with an excuse. Then he remembered the last quidditch practice. He had fallen 7 feet off his broom and that had left a nasty, purple bruise on his arm.

"I fell off my broom at practice a couple of days ago, and I have a bad bruise. You accidentally touched it when you grabbed my arm. See?"

He rolled up his left sleeve to reveal a large purple and green bruise on his upper arm.

"Oh, alright then," Remus said, as if convinced.

Remus was worried on the inside. He knew Sirius was lying

Three hours later, Lily had somehow convinced all the boys to sit down and work on any homework due within the next week. Remus was calmly writing at a round table in the corner. Sirius was sitting across from him, frowning, with his head in his hands. James was sprawled out in front of the fire, reading a book for charms. Lily was curled up behind James in a chair, also reading, though her assignment was for advanced potions. Peter was trying to master a spell for transfiguration, turning a rock into a rat, though he was having quite a bit of difficulty.

"Augh!" he yelled in frustration. "I can turn myself into a rat! Why can't I turn this stupid rock into one?" He murmured in reference to his animagus ability.

"I didn't know rocks could be stupid," James said, not looking away from his book. "You know what they say, 'If it's not the wand, then it's the wizard',"

Peter scowled at James and decided to work on something else.

"Moony," Sirius said. "Could you help me with this? I just can't seem to figure out what to do!"  
Remus looked up from his own essay at Sirius.

"Um, sure. What's wrong?"

"Well, I don't know how we're supposed to 'paraphrase' this. I don't even know what 'paraphrasing' is!"

"Well,' Remus began, "paraphrasing is where you take the information in a paragraph and condense it. It's really not that hard."

"Um… condense… like condensed soup…?"

Remus sighed. He definitely had his work cut out for him.

"No, you take the information and make it not quite as long. Like this paragraph here…," he pointed to a paragraph in he middle of the page and began to read aloud…

"_Many wizards of the 12th century were so angered with the expansion muggle life, that they convened at the stone henge in Great Britain for what was henceforth known as the Great Stone Convention of 1245…"_

Sirius was lost after the first sentence. He couldn't help but stare at Remus while he read. A piece of hair fell from behind his ear, and he gracefully tucked back into place.

'_Oh, god, he's so sexy. Wait! What the hell did I just say… er… think! I cannot think something like that about my best mate! That's just wrong! Though he really is kinda' hot…' _ Meanwhile, Remus was still reading…

"_The main speaker at the convention was none other than the great Merlin's great-nephew, Augustus the Austere, himself. Millions of wizards traveled from far and wide to listen to Augustus rant about ridding the world of muggle civilizations. He managed to start several angry mobs before the authorities shut down the convention five hours later." _

"Okay, so basically, all you have to is…." Remus looked up from the book to see Sirius staring at him. His eyes had a sort of glazed over look to them, as if he had been lost in a daydream.

_God, I love those eyes… those beautiful blue eyes… like deep water… I… Whoa! What am I thinking! Snap out of it Remus! I really am mental!_

Remus shook his head slightly, and looked a Sirius again who seemed to be coming out of his daydream at the same time as himself… the both blushed and looked away.

"Yeah, well, thanks, Remy. I think I've got it now…," Sirius said quickly as he pulled his book and paper back to his side of the table.

"Okay, great. Well, if you need me, I'm going to head down to the Great hall for lunch."

"Okay then. I'll see you later."

Remus stuffed the rest of his work back into his bag and rushed up to the dorm to put it away. When he came back down, he glanced back to the corner where he had been sitting minutes before. Sirius was slapping his fist to his forehead, with either frustration or boredom. Lily looked over at Remus as he was halfway out the portrait door.

"Where are you going, Remus?" she asked.

"I'm just going down to get lunch. Want to come?"

"No, that's alright. I still have some work to do."

"Oh I want to come! I'm starv-…." James started, sitting up. Lily promptly smacked him in the back of the head with her book.

"No, James and I _both _have work to do. _Right_ James?"

"I don't… you didn't have to hit me… that hurt…" he whined under his breath.

"Right, well, I'll see you lot later. Bye" Remus waved and walked out of the common room.

"What the bloody hell was that for!"

"Where you not paying and ounce of attention?"

"To what? You've been making me do homework for the past two and a half hours, Miss Slave driver."

"Didn't you see Remus and Sirius?"

"Yes, I saw them. They were in the corner studying together. Then, Remus took his stuff upstairs and left. Duh."

"No. They… oh, never mind. If you're too blind to notice, then you don't deserve to know." She sighed wistfully. "Oh, but they would look so cute together…"

"They what! What the hell are you talking about?" James shouted. Lily dove forward at him and slapped her hand over his mouth as Sirius looked up. Hearing nothing else, he returned to his futile attempts to work. She kneeled next to him on the rug, keeping him quiet.

"Don't you pay attention to anything?" she asked.

James eyes were still wide in surprise, shock and disgust.

"Oh, never mind. You'll see it soon enough." She sighed and removed her hand from his mouth. She picked her book up once more and returned to reading. James looked at her in confusion on last time.

"After that episode, I don't want to see anything…," he said quietly.

'_What is wrong with Sirius? He's been acting so strange around me lately. Like he's avoiding me…Did I do something wrong? I don't remember doing anything. I've been acting sort of weird, too, especially around Sirius. But he's so damn sexy. Wait, did I just think that? What is wrong with me? I am going crazy, seriously. Ooh, Sirius. I think that maybe I-…'_

"Oh!"

Remus' train of thought was interrupted by a stair falling in under his foot. Another trick stair he should have been smart enough to skip. He looked up and around. He hadn't even realized where he was going. Desperately, he looked around to figure out where he was.

"Where am I?" he asked himself. Nothing around him looked familiar. Worse yet, his foot was stuck halfway through the stair. He started tugging his leg as hard as he could, but none of his efforts proved successful. He gasped for breath and sat down on the stair above.

"Hello?" he yelled. No one seemed to be in the area.

"That's just great. I'm stuck in this stair, no one is here to help, I don't know where I am…," he paused for a moment, "and I'm talking to myself." He shifted his weight and set his books down to his right.

"I might as well get comfortable."

Meanwhile, the rest of the group had finished up their homework and were walking into the Great Hall for lunch.

"Hey," Sirius said, elbowing James in the ribs. "Where's Remus?"

"Well, I don't know, but injuring me is not going to make him appear," James said curtly. Sirius ignored the threat in his tone, and began looking around the table for Remus. After circling the table nearly three times, Lily grabbed his arm.

"Come on, Sirius. He'll show up eventually. He probably just took a detour, or stopped at the library really quickly. Don't worry."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. He'll show up eventually," he said as if reassuring no one but himself. They all sat down and began to eat, though Sirius was hesitant.

After about 45 minutes, Remus still hadn't shown up. (a/n: Oh, the dramatic irony! See, I know literary crap! Please, Mrs. Williams, don't fail me in English! bawling and begging)

"Guys, where do you think Remus is? I mean, it's been like, an hour now."

"Stop worrying," James said, looking up from his potatoes. "If you're really that worried, then you go look for him yourself."

"You know? I just think I will! Since you seem to care about him _oh-so-much_."

"Hey! I never said that!"

"Well, you didn't have to!" Sirius yelled. Half the students in the hall turned at the volume of the argument. Sirius turned his back to James and stormed out of the hallway. Several third years had the misfortune of walking into the hall at the same time as Sirius was walking, or rather stomping, out, and one promptly received a bruise about the same magnitude as Sirius' quidditch injury, though not on his arm... The third year knew he wouldn't be sitting right for a week

'_I can't believe him! How could he be so careless? Remus has been missing for almost an hour and he doesn't even care!'_ Sirius fumed. _'How am I going to find him? I could just start walking and searching, but that would take too long. Augh! If only there was some sort of map that showed where everybody was at any point in time, then I could…Bloody hell, I'm such a prat! The map! I should have thought of that ages ago!'_ He slapped himself on the forehead and headed to his dorm.

Sirius dug through his trunk until he found an old piece of parchment, buried under a large pile of clothes. He pulled out his wand and placed the tip of it in the center.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he muttered.

Suddenly, ink spread across the blank page in a web-like pattern. Pictures of classrooms and little moving dots with labels began to materialize.

"Okay," he said, "Now let's see…" He began to unfold the paper to reveal more and more classrooms. Finally, he found a small stationary dot labeled 'Remus Lupin'.

"There! Wait… he's in the hallway between the trophy room and the staircase to the divination tower. No one ever goes that way! How did he get there? And why isn't he moving?" he asked himself. "And why am I talking to myself?" He shook his head and closed his trunk. He ran out of the tower and toward the hallway where poor Remus Lupin was trapped.

gurgle, gurgle

Remus Lupin placed a hand on his growling stomach. He was starting to get very hungry, though no matter what he did, he was still stuck in the stair. He sighed loudly and set his chin back into the palm of his hand.

"Hello! Is any one there?"

"Ah! No need to shout, my dear boy. Now, what can I do for you?" A large shimmering ghost came gliding around the corner. He was short, round, rosy and dressed in medieval robes, florid with gold chains and medals.

"Well," Remus started, "I was walking along and not really paying attention to where I was going, and I-…"

"Well, why were you doing that?" The ghost interrupted.

"I… what?"

"Why were you just walking around and not paying attention to where you were going? Doesn't sound like a very smart thing to do." The large ghost floated down to Remus' level on the stair.

"Well, I was thinking about… other things. So anyway…"

"What sort of things were you thinking about?"

"Why does it matter?" Remus asked impatiently. He was very hungry; he was still stuck in the stair and was not very happy about the fact that this ghost seemed to have no intentions of helping him out.

"Well, you were walking around thinking about, oh, advanced healing, then I might think of helping you out, so that you can go about your everyday life, and eventually go on to be Head Healer at St. Mungo's and cure thousands of fellow witches and wizards. If you were wandering around thinking about a prank you were going to pull…"

Remus looked around guiltily

"…well, then I would just have to leave you here to starve to death and never harm society with your childish ways. So, I ask again, what sort of things were you thinking about?"

Remus contemplated his answers. He could lie, but he was a horrible liar, and the ghost was bound to find out, which would most likely leave him stuck in the staircase. He could tell him the truth… or some sort of version of the truth.

"I was thinking about a… girl. And normally, you know, we're really good friends, and nothing else, but lately I've been feeling sort of weird around hi-her and she's been avoiding me. I can't tell what's wrong and I think I may, you know, like-like her, but I can't, because… I-I just can't."

"Oh, I see. Is she betrothed to someone else?"

"W-what! Oh, no… no. But she doesn't like-like people like me. It's just not normally done."

"Oh, she is respected royalty and you are doomed to peasantry."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Well," the ghost said, "Though doomed love is a noble thing to ponder about, and I'd love to help you, I'm a ghost and ghosts can't pull young students out of stairs." The ghost reached out his hand and swiped it through Remus' calf. He chuckled and floated upward.

"But, I- could you at least send someone to help?"

"Oh, possibly, but it all depends on weather or not I run in to someone within the next day, because I do tend to haunt the unoccupied areas of the castle. And it also depends on weather or not I remember. I've got a horrible memory, you know. Got a jousting pole through the back of the head."

The ghost turned his head and pointed to a large, cricket ball sized hole in the back of his head. Remus winced at the bloody sight.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that…"

"Why?" he laughed. "You didn't do it. Some bloke from Northern Ireland got a bit cranky after a tournament, and, well, the rest is history. By the way, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sir Rafael Mandingo Rosenblatt, the third."

"Oh, yes, my name is Remus Lupin. Pleased to meet you."

"Remus… after the infamous brother of Romulus, the founder of Rome?"

"I've always assumed so."

"Do you know the story of the brothers, Romulus and Remus?"

"Well, yes and no. I mean, I know basic facts. Like, they were raised by wolves and they founded a city on top of a hill, and each brother wanted to name it after himself. They got into a fight about it, and Romulus killed Remus with a stone to the head. Poor way to die, in a fight with your brother."

"Yes, it is," Rafael said quietly. His eyes looked pained and his cheery mouth drooped into a frown…

"What's wrong? Did I say something? I didn't mean to! I'm sorry. I-," Remus began stuttering.

"Oh, calm down boy," Rafael said, chuckling slightly at Remus' panic. "No, you're fine. I was in a bit of a fight with my brother when I died. And it was my fault, too, and I knew it. Let me tell you boy, guilt is not a pleasant feeling to die with."

"I suppose not." There was a long, awkward silence as they both looked down the staircase.

"Anyway," Rafael said, breaking the silence, "It was a pleasure to meet you, and I wish you well."

"Thank you, and you, too." Remus smiled and stuck his hand out to shake Rafael's. Rafael reached forward and swiped his hand through Remus'. Rafael then glided upward and started down the hallway. He was almost around the corner when Remus remembered why they were talking to each other in the first place.

"Wait! Sir Rosenblatt? Could you please send help!" He yelled. Rafael just continued floating around the corner and chuckled loudly.

"Great," Remus groaned.

Sirius was running through the castle at full speed. He hit the occasional student, but he didn't really notice. He looked down at the map every now and them to make sure he was going in the right direction, especially with the stairs changing every five minutes. Finally, he made it to the trophy room, which was currently unoccupied.

"Okay, how do I get to that hallway?" he asked himself. He looked around the room until he found a large wooden door to his right.

"Well, if that couldn't be any more obvious…" He ran over to the door and wrenched it open, just as a large ghost came floating through it. It wafted right through Sirius, without even noticing him. Sirius turned to look at he ghost. He was sort of chubby, and very decorated.

"Hey, um, excuse me," he said, waving his hand at the ghost. It turned and looked at him and "jumped" in surprise.

"Oh, hello there, dear boy! How can I help you?"

"Yes, was there a boy in that hallway? About this tall, brownish-gold hair…?"

"Oh! Yes there was. I had a pleasant chat with him, too! Oh, what was his name? Robert… no… Rafael… no, ha, no, that's my name… Romulus… it had something to do with that… oh…"

"Remus?"

"Yes! Yes, that was it, Remus. Yes, he's in there. In of a bit of a pickle, from what I understand. Stuck in a trick stair. Might want to hurry, he sounded a tad hungry."

"Thanks," Sirius said. He ran through the door, into the hallway.

"No problem, son."

Sirius ran through the hallway until he rounded the corner. When he saw the back of Remus' head, he stopped running, tucked the map into his robes and rested his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. Hearing Sirius' breathing, Remus turned around.

"Sirius! Thank god! I thought I'd be stuck here forever! How'd you find me?" He asked.

"The… map…from last year," Sirius gasped.

"Oh! The Marauder's Map! Great! Now get me out of this step," he commanded. Sirius rolled his eyes and walked over to Remus. He grabbed him under the arms and pulled him up. Remus' foot came free with a sickening squelch.

"Thank you. I was beginning to lose feeling in that foot." He rotated his ankle a few times and gingerly stepped down. Suddenly, he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Sirius. (A/n: Marauder glomp!)Sirius' eyes widened in surprise. He gently raised his arm and patted Remus on the back. After a few seconds, Remus released his friend.

"Thanks, a lot."

"You're welcome," Sirius said, still in shock from the hug.

"Now, if you don't mind, I've been delayed lunch for almost an hour. I am starving."

"Right, then, let's go." Sirius wrapped one arm around Remus' shoulder, and Remus did the same, though with more difficulty, seeing as he was about half a foot shorter than Sirius.

Minutes later, Remus and Sirius walked into the Great Hall, just as the rest of the Marauders (plus Lily) were walking out.

"Remus!" Lily yelled. She ran over to him and draped her arms around him.

"There you are! Where in heaven's name did you go? Sirius was worried sick! Oh, God, I sound like my sister!" She slapped a hand over her mouth in horror. Remus looked over at Sirius with raised eyebrows.

"You? Worried sick?" he asked.

"Well, I-… you know, something could have happened…," he shrugged.

"So," James began, "Where did you go?"

"Well, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, and I walked into some obscure hallway, and I fell through a trick step. I was there for almost an hour and I started talking to this ghost, who started asking me all these random questions. I asked him to help me, but he said he couldn't because he had a bad memory from getting a jousting pole in the back of his head. Then, Sirius found me and helped out of the step." Remus explained in one breath.

"Oh! Sir Rosenblatt," James exclaimed. "Good friend of mine. He helped me get out of a detention once. Good, man, good man…," James laughed almost to himself.

"Yes, well, he wasn't feeling very helpful today," Remus said gruffly.

"Well, the important thing is that you're alright," Lily sighed. "Now, why don't you come get some food. You look half starved to death!" She grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him over to the table, Peter in tow. James turned to Sirius.

"So, how did you find him?" he questioned.

"Oh, I just used the old Marauder's map."

"Really? I though we'd lost that ages ago!"

"Nope."

James shrugged and turned and started walking back towards the table.

"And thank God," Sirius murmured. He smiled and walked back over to the table.

Well, that's all for today, bitches. I'm finishing this chapter on Christmas day, so Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukkah/Kwanzaa eve! I am such a Scrooge. The only picture my parents have of me from today is me on the computer in my cousin's room with my headphones on. Oh well! Happy holidays!

-Puff


	3. Caught

Hey everyone! Congratulations on making it to chapter three without passing out! Give yourself a pat on the back, w00t! When I started writing this, it was almost New Year and I was still in INSERT LOCATION and I was bored out of my mind. HINT: Midwest America, north of Kansas. I was sitting in the kitchen of my Grandmother's house typing, and I thought, "Finally, I have a moment to myself!" My mom is one out of, like a million, and every one of her siblings has at least two kids. We have; Katie, Michael, Ben, John, Blaine, Emily, David, Tommy, Me, another David (Step-cousin as is Emily) Annaleise, Alyssa, Haley, Lyndsey, Brett and Christian. I think that's it…. But then we have all the adults (12 of 'em!). So any amount of time alone is precious when we're visiting them. Even when it comes to the bathroom! There are 7 of us in my grandmother's house and one bathroom. One. And there is so little hot water, that if you want a some-what-warm shower, then the longest you're gonna' get is about 10 minutes. And they don't have a computer! I'd only been typing the entire time, no reading! How the hell is a nerd supposed to survive there! I was really pissy the entire time and my mom was like, "What's wrong Em?" and I said really quietly, "I'm going through Yamatchi withdrawl." And she was like, "What!" I said, "Never mind."

ON WITH TEH FIC!

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah… you know the drill…

Oh, and in this chapter, the Marauders finally pull the prank, and yes, I know what it is. I've known what it is since the beginning. No worries, I know what I'm doing… sort of… XP

The next morning, the group of teens was lounging in the common room after breakfast. Peter was half way asleep again when James sat up straight suddenly.

"Oh! That's right. I was thinking at breakfast this morning…"

"That's quite a change of pace!" Sirius said smartly. James turned his head and flashed a not very… polite hand sign at Sirius.

"Anyway," he continued, "I was thinking that we should pull the prank tomorrow night."

Lily turned her head sharply in James' direction.

"What prank?" she almost shrieked.

"Damn, Lily! Shhhh! You don't have to tell the whole bloody house!" He whispered shrilly.

"What prank, James Potter?" She commanded.

"Well, it's just a little prank. You know… nothing special…"

"Yeah," Peter said, unsuccessfully trying to help, "All we're going to do is…"

Sirius and James shot forward at the same time and tackled Peter.

"Peter! What the hell have I told you about talking?" Sirius growled through gritted teeth.

"Ummm… don't…?" He said, his voice muffled as it came through James' hand.

"Exactly," James said as he dropped his hand from Peter's face.

"Sorry."

"Yeah…" James grunted.

Remus sat staring at them with an open mouth but Lily was not to be deterred.

"What in the world are you thinking! You could have at least told me!"

"No, Lily, I couldn't."

"And why, pray-tell, not!"

James slapped his hand to his forehead. This "conversation" was not going the way he wanted.

"Because… because… I, well, you wouldn't understand…"

"I wouldn't understand what? Why you're being a giant prat? Because, you're right, that is something I do not understand!"

"Now, Lily… darling…I-"

"Don't 'Lily darling' me, James Potter! I am not in the mood!" Lily screeched, waving a fist threateningly in James' face. A few strands of curly red hair were falling loose from the loose bun on the top of her head as she yelled at James.

"Now," She said, calming down significantly, "I am going to go upstairs to my room. I will await an apology, but until then, consider our date next in Hogsmade next weekend, off. Oh and I am not talking to you until you apologize!"

She turned on her heel and stormed off to the stairs.

"Shit…" James muttered. He slapped his hand against his forehead again. He sighed and slipped into the seat Lily had been sitting in.

"So…" Remus said cautiously after a few moments, "Does this mean the prank is off…?"

After a few moments, James looked up, face set.

"No. I've been planning this for too long." Sirius looked away and tried to disguise the words "three days" as a cough. James glared at Sirius while he continued look the other way.

"Anyway… I still think we should go ahead with this. I mean, what's the big deal? We'll pull the prank, and then I'll apologize to Lily by Tuesday! I'll have her back in time for our date this weekend. Once again, no big deal."

"Okay James… whatever you say… whatever you say…"

The next day, James was pacing the crowded common room anxiously. The rest of the Marauders were sitting in various armchairs in front of him.

"So everyone knows the plan?" He asked.

"No, James, we don't know the plan. Why don't you tell us again?" He said sarcastically.

"Okay, well, first we need to…"

"James!" Remus yelled, "Sarcasm!" He pointed out, proud that he was finally able to spot Sirius sarcasm. "You really need to calm down. It's not the first time you've done this. Plus, this is in no way the most difficult thing we've ever done.

"I know, I know… it's just, this time I'm uh… a little distracted."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout Lily, mate," Sirius commented, "but you really need to get over it. Everything'll work out in the end."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, let's get started. Everyone will be heading down to dinner soon."

The Marauders all stood up and began to leave the common room. A boy named Frank Longbottom looked up from where he was reading a herbology book.

"Where are you lot going?" He asked suspiciously.

"Uh, we're just heading down to dinner a bit early." As James said this, a few more people looked up.

"Oh, right…," Frank said. Everyone noticed a familiar sparkle in James' eyes. Everyone knew when James and the rest of the boys were up to something… like now.

The boys continued walking down to the great hall, but when they got down to the entrance way, they made a sharp right turn down a set of dark stairs. They silently (with the exception of a few stumbles and multiple colorful words) made their way to a narrow, but considerably better lit, hallway. James walked over to a tall painting of a basket of fruit near the end. James glanced over both his shoulders and then reached up to the pear. He tickled the pear; it squealed and jumped to the side. The painting swung forward to reveal a bustling kitchen. James, Sirius and Remus stepped into the kitchen. Peter stayed outside and shut the portrait behind them. House-elves were rushing around, carrying platters back and forth. None of them noticed the boys for several moments. Suddenly, a small green elf, wearing a toga with a Hogwarts seal on it, rushed up to the boys.

"How can I help you, sirs?" He asked in a small, squeaking voice. He bowed deeply, his pencil thin nose almost touching the floor.

"Nothing big today, Dinky. I just need you to sprinkle some of this onto some of the platters. It's just, um, a flavoring spice." James pulled two leather pouches out of his robes and handed them to the house-elf.

"Will that be all, sirs?" he asked.

"Yes, Dinky, that's all for today."

"Thank you sir," he said as he bowed again.

"No, no, no, thank you." James turned and climbed out of the painting, Sirius and Remus in tow. Once they had surfaced into the entrance hall, students were streaming in from every direction.

"Now all we have to do is wait for the show," James muttered as he rubbed his hands together menacingly.

"I wonder where the boys are…" Lily asked vaguely. Her friend, Alice, looked around the common room.

"I don't know. I'll go ask Frank if he's seen them." She abandoned Lily to look for go and find Frank. After a good ten minutes, Alice still hadn't come back. Lily sighed and pulled herself out of the comfortable chair and clambered out of the portrait hole. Deciding she was hungry, she followed the crowd to the Great Hall where dinner was about to be served. She sat down at her usual section of the table, hoping to find the boys there. She didn't see them, but decided to wait for them to show up on their own, instead of wandering the castle aimlessly until they magically appeared.

She sat there, bored, for several minutes, but then she spotted them walking into the hall together. She smiled and waved them over. As soon as they sat down, though, she remembered her fight with James.

"Remus, Sirius, Peter! How have you lot been?" she asked cheerfully, obviously ignoring James. James rolled his eyes and started on a conversation with Sirius.

"Um, fine," Remus said. "Lily, are you okay with, you know, him sitting here," he asked, jerking his head towards James.

"Him, who?" She asked with a forced smile, cocking her head to the side.

"Right, well, just so you know, I don't think you'll want to eat the school food tonight."

"Oh? And why not?" She asked suspiciously.

"No reason, it's just, um, I heard that there was a bit of a… mishap in the kitchens. I don't think you'll want any of it. I grabbed some food ahead of time, so here," he explained, handing her a few items of food, wrapped in a white napkin.

She raised an eyebrow curiously, but took the food anyway. She knew not to take foreign objects (other than floridly wrapped gifts) from James, but Remus was fully trustworthy. Without warning, food appeared on the plates of the students. Examining it, Lily noticed nothing wrong with it… at first. But then she noticed it had a different look to it, almost artificial. Students all around her were eating contently, oblivious to what ever was about to take place.

Then, Lily heard James laughing hysterically, and saw him pointing at the far corner of the hall. Initially, Lily didn't see anything, but then other students began to laugh along.

'_What in heaven's name are they laughing about?_'

Lily stood up on her seat and looked again. That time, she saw it. A third year Hufflepuff. Floating. Wait… floating!

He was rising gently, a few inches at a time. He looked around bewildered, but then… other students joined him in the air. Students from every house just randomly began hovering in mid-air!

Then, the hand of a young Ravenclaw girl, that she had been using to point and laugh at her classmates, started to slowly disappear! She shrieked in horror and other children, and a few teachers, turned to see what she was screaming about. Shrieks of fright and laughter echoed about the hall as more students started to float and disappear. The professors from the head table were in absolute shock. James, Sirius, Peter and even Remus were almost rolling on the floor, engulfed in bouts of laughter.

Finally, Professor McGonagall (Professor Dumbledore had been absent from this choice meal) stood up and began screaming orders to the other teachers. Spells and charms where accompanied by streaks of colored light, as students began sinking back to the ground, one by one. The laughter died down further as more streaks of light hit invisible spots of air, and students began to appear out of them.

Lily turned to the boys, in shock and amusement more than anger, her mouth gapping.

"Oh," James laughed. "That was simply too hilarious." He wiped a mock tear from his eye and collapsed onto Sirius' shoulder. Sirius shrugged the other boy off of him, and continued to laugh. Peter was now literally rolling on the floor laughing, and Remus was trying to help him up, though failing miserably.

Professor McGonagall looked furious. She raised her wand and with one fluid swish, all the food on the tables disappeared. Another swish produced all new food, which looked much more natural. She tapped a golden utensil on a glass goblet to gain the attention of the students. The taps rang out throughout the hall and students, most still laughing, directed their gazes toward the teachers.

"Please, calm yourselves!" She commanded. "Now, I assure you, this is nothing to worry about. The culprits of this childish prank," Remus could have sworn she threw a quick look at the four boys, "Will be caught. In the mean time, please return to your meal peacefully."

Many of the students looked hesitant.

"Oh, for heaven's sake! The food is fine! Eat!" she ordered, waving her hand at the children.

The students obeyed and dug in. Professor McGonagall sat down with an angry huff.

"James Potter!" Lily hissed. "What in heaven's name did you do?"

"I'm sorry," James said, "I thought you weren't talking to me."

"Not in civilized conversation. Which I don't do anyway," she explained. James grimaced, but said nothing.

"Anyway, what in heaven's name did you do?"

"Why, I did nothing, Lily, darling," he stopped as Lily glared at him. "What even makes you think it was me?" he finished.

"Hm, well, let's see… what was it that you said? Oh yes! 'I think we should pull the prank tonight'," she mocked.

"Well I never!" James placed a hand on his chest as if offended. He turned back to the rest of the group. Remus looked over at Lily.

"I told you not to eat the school food," he laughed.

"And I didn't. Thanks for the warning." Lily picked up a fork and began to eat the new food.

"You're very welcome," Remus replied, picking up his own fork and digging in.

After dinner, the boys and Lily returned to the common room. Remus, Sirius and Peter were sitting in front of the fire, doing absolutely nothing, though the same thing could not be said for James and Lily.

"When do you think they'll be done 'apologizing'?" Remus asked.

"Well, they have to come up for air eventually," Sirius shrugged.

Peter laughed so hard, he almost fell backwards into the fire. Sirius predicted correctly. James popped his head up out of the tangle of limbs.

"Oh, man! I just remembered! I left the bags in the kitchens!"

"So?" Sirius asked. "What's the big deal?"

"Those were my Uncle's! He'll kill me if I lose them! You guy's will have to go get them!"

"I can't," Peter said, lowering his head.

"What? Why?" James' asked in shock.

"I have… homework," he answered lamely.

"Right," James glared, "Well, then you two have to go get them," he ordered, pointing to Sirius and Remus. Remus didn't want to leave, but Sirius was more than, well, not happy, but fine with going to get the bags.

"C'mon, Moony…" Sirius sighed. He pulled himself up and then reached down and grabbed Remus by the arm. Reluctantly, Remus stood up and began to follow Sirius out of the portrait hole.

"Why couldn't James get his own bags?" Remus asked crossly.

"Because he's a lazy prat," Sirius said sarcastically.

Remus laughed. The boys walked back down to the entrance hall. They followed their previous route to the portrait. After Sirius tickled the pear, the portrait swung open once more. House-elves were still rushing around the kitchen, cleaning up the mess from dinner. A pale pink house elf, in an identical uniform as Dinky's, rushed up to them.

"How can I help you sirs?" It asked. Its voice was slightly higher than Dinky's, so it was obviously a girl.

"Yes," Remus began politely, "We were in here earlier and we dropped off two leather bags. Would be so kind as to return them to us?"

"Of course, sir!" She chirped. She skipped off, merrily. A few minutes later, she returned carrying the two leather pouches.

"Here you are, sir," she said, handing the bags to Remus. He smiled pleasantly.  
"Thank you very much, miss."

She squealed and blushed a dark pink.

"Thank you, sir!" She gave him a wide smile and ran off.

The boys walked out of the kitchen together.

"See," Sirius said, "That wasn't so har-," Sirius was stopped short by the appearance of a tall hawk-like shadow. Both boys looked up slowly to see the towering figure of an extremely angry Professor McGonagall.

"Well," she said harshly, "I do believe we've caught our culprits."

Okay. I'm finally finished with chapter three. That's to the Bee for actually reviewing chapter two. Love ya' girl! As for the rest of you, in case you didn't know, I know how many hits I get on my story, so I know that you're reading. Review, dammit! XO Well, Happy '06! Peace! II


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